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    So last week I was diagnosed with COVID. This is my second time with it, and while not as bad as it was the first time, I still have had to deal with so many symptoms and being weak for days now. Even now I still feel confused and dizzy so forgive me if this post is less sharp than usual.

    Thankfully my folks helped me get an appointment with the urgent care to see me, and with some help from the government, I was able to get the necessary pills to handle this sickness free or charge. But one thing that was always in the back of my head however, even before I was properly diagnosed and just thought it was a cold, was that I wouldn't feel better until I went to the doctor's.

    Now don't worry, I believe that going to the doctor's is a good thing and that you should if you have the means and are feeling ill. What I hate about myself is that I will feel alright after going to the doctor's even if nothing really happened. Before I went this time, I recalled how I was sick once and that went to the doctor's to see if everything was ok. I remembered how I was pretty much fine after two days, and I questioned if I would have been better off not going and just toughened it out. I don't think they even gave me any special pills to help at all, so I could have saved the trouble and money if I knew I would be better in a few days.

    I know that this isn't the best way to look at things, but especially since I don't have health insurance currently, not wasting any more time or money could be the better play for me if it is something small. Now in this case I was right for going as COVID is no joke and I already have breathing issues to begin with. But even so I remember being kind of annoyed when I came back home feeling ok while I was basically dying earlier in the day. And I know they did things there to help me feel like that, they used a special inhaler to help me breath and gave me pills to help with any soreness I was feeling. I know all of that helped, but I also feel like just going helped me feel better too, like a placebo. And even if it was something minor and they didn't do anything, I would have still felt better in the end.

    I think I just find it annoying how much a doctor's visit helps me feel when I'm sick. And it's mainly annoying because, no matter how serious it is or how much it costs, I won't feel any better untill I do that visit. I think if anything I just would like to not have it feel like a placebo. I know when I do get sick I won't feel better untill I see the doctor, and I know that I can't wait too long or else it feels like just the overall ritual of being sick. It makes it feel like a checklist and not like I'm going because they're the only ones that can help me get better. And when funds are tight and I'm limited in my options to get my medicine, that placebo effect really is an annoying tax to deal with.

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